One year...

As of this past Monday, it has been exactly one year since we last had Elliott here with us. One year since I held his hand, kissed him, hugged him, saw his smile, heard his voice, listened to him breathe in the middle of the night...the list is endless.  The kids and I have been through more in this past year than we ever thought we would have to endure without our husband and daddy.
We've experienced birthdays, holiday, t-ball games, and other family events as our new little family of 3. It will never be the same...
But, even though this was the worst year, it was in some ways the best year. I'm sure saying that this could be a "best year" will astonish and possibly offend some people, and believe me, I have a great deal of guilt even considering that this was a remotely good year. But this year I learned strength, perseverance, faith, and grace.  This was the year that I held my children tighter, I clung to my family more than I ever have before, I learned to let people help me, I learned to cherish people, I saw love in action.
I certainly hope that no one EVER has to lose a loved one so suddenly and at young age, but if you do, I hope you find solace in your faith, your family, and your friends. I pray that you have a community of people who will love on you like I do. I pray that you will have strong, godly men who will rise up to ensure that your children have a positive male influence in their lives. I pray that you constantly find yourself in the presence of people who love you more than you imagined, and I pray that you let them.
One year...the pain never goes away, but it gets easier to bear. One year...sigh